The Legend of Advertisement!
by Uber Spoonz
Summary: Doesn't the title say it all? Chapter 5: Side Effects of Lunesta Include... Good for a laugh or two, updated occasionally. Updated at long last! YAY!
1. Tootsie Pop

**New story! This will remain a one-shot until I finish my sequel and the one-shot my sequel to "For the Sake of the World"! This chapter, we join Link in finding out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. HAVOC WILL ENSUE! I don't own Zelda or any of the products or commercials that appear in this fiction!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda, Tootsie Pops, or _Shounen Jump_. Really. You can search me. If you knew my address. Which you don't. So HAH! …no, really. I don't own Zelda. Not for the life of me. If I owned Zelda, I would be making Zelda games out of my ideas, not writing fanfictions. Duh.**

_**The Legend of Advertisement!**_

**Chapter 1: How Many Licks to the Center of a Tootsie Pop?**

Link was sitting in his little elevated stump… thing, when he heard a knock on his door.

Excuse me. He heard a knock on his curtains. Wait, I'll get this…

He heard a knock from outside! So he drew back his curtains and there stood… a brunette chick who calls herself Ed! She was wearing one of Link's masks from Termina. Which mask? Well… it was the Bremen Mask. And she was marching.

"HALLO!" the girl shrieked, throwing aside the instrument. Link stared at her skeptically. "I am the Authoress! You can call me Ed! Or… you can call me God!"

Link continued to stare as the Authoress danced like a Sim.

"MY NAME'S NOT REALLY ED!" she shrieked. Link took a few steps back. "Yah, you're blinded by my magnificence, aren't you?" she asked, tossing her hair. "I took lessons from Darunia! Looks like they paid off!"

"Where did you get that mask?" the child asked. The Authoress looked at him with her head cocked to the side. "Find Kaepora Gaebora and meet me in Hyrule Field in one hour!" she said, bouncing. She raised her instrument to her lips and marched away. Link stared after the demented brunette nervously.

One hour later…

"Hoo hoo ho! Why did Ed say she wanted to meet us in the Field, Link?" Kaepora Gaebora hooted. Link shrugged. There was a puff of smoke and Ed ran into the middle of it from behind a nearby tree. "See? I AM God!" she said, striking a pose. Link and Kaepora Gaebora sweatdropped.

"Do you know why I called you here today?" Ed asked, her hands on her hips. The hero and the owl shook there heads. The Authoress threw down a Deku Nut and another puff of smoke appeared. Ruto ran into the center of it from behind a different nearby tree.

"Ta da!" she exclaimed. The Authoress cleared her throat. "Kaepora Gaebora is Mr. Owl. Link is the little boy with the Tootsie Pop. Ruto is Mr. Turtle. Here are your scripts," she explained as she handed everyone an index card.

"How did she talk you into being Mr. Turtle?" Link asked Ruto when Ed had turned her back. A mischievous smile spread on Ruto's fishy lips. "She said that I get to take you home when we finish this!" she grinned. Link backed up and cowered behind Kaepora Gaebora.

Ed returned with a directing chair and sat down. "Go, go! Go go GO!" she said, thrusting her arms into the air.

Link was desperate. He had to find a way out of this and quick! It was a short scene, after all. He picked up his prop, a plastic Tootsie Pop, and walked up to Ruto. "Mr. Turtle, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?" he read haltingly from his index card.

Ruto struck a sexy pose. "I never made it without biting. Ask Mr. Owl!"

Link walked over to Kaepora Gaebora. "Mr. Owl… how many slashes does it take to kill a Zoran princess?" he asked. "STOP!" the Authoress yelled. "That's not right! Do it over! From the top!" She sat back down in her chair. "Go, go! Go go GO!"

"Mr. Turtle. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?"

"I never made it without biting, love bunny! Ask Mr. Owl."

"Mr. Owl… How many blood-curdling screams does it take to escape the grasp of an obsessed Zoran princess?"

Ed jumped out of her chair. "No, no, no! From the top! Go, go! Go go GO!" she ordered.

Link sighed. "Mr. Turtle… how does it feel to know you'll never make it to the center of a Tootsie Pop without biting?"

"Dammit, Link! You're screwing the whole thing up! Forget it! I'm switching you out for Mido!" the Authoress shouted angrily. She ran into the Kokiri Forest and came back with Mido and Saria. "Ruto, you're cut! Saria's green; she'll make a better Mr. Turtle than you! Same rules apply: when it's over, Mido will go off with Saria and Kaepora Gaebora will be an annoying lonely owl. Go, go! Go go GO!"

Mido walked up to Saria with a plastic Tootsie Pop in hand. "My dear Mr. Turtle, have your dainty lips ever found the number of licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?" he asked suavely. Saria giggled. "I never made it without biting. Go ask Mr. Owl," she smiled. Mido walked over to Kaepora Gaebora.

_Gasp!_ Link thought. _I can't let Mido go off with Saria! He's short! Well, I'm short too but… Eh, screw it! All I know is I'm a good guy and the good guy always gets the girl!_

"Mr. Owl, how many licks does it take to get the center of a Tootsie Pop?" Mido asked. Kaepora Gaebora took the plastic candy from the Kokiri child and said, "Hm, let's find out." He licked the plastic, withholding his vomit. "One, two-hoo…"

"Three hundred and twenty-six!" Link interrupted. The Authoress gasped, dropping her _Shounen Jump_ magazine. "He's right…" she breathed, he eyes wide with shock. Link folded his arms with a self-satisfied smile.

"Okay!" Ed called, jumping up from her chair. "Since Link guessed the magic number, the commercial is off! Go home, everyone!" A puff of smoke erupted around her and she scampered off behind a tree. She poked her head out. "Just pretend I'm not here!" the Authoress waved, then hid again.

Mido shrugged and went off to be the first Hylian Shakespeare. Saria modeled clothes for big-name companies. Link made Kokiri Forest's first hinged doors. Kaepora Gaebora… was still a lazy good-for-nothing owl that points out the obvious. Ruto had genetic surgery done so she could be a turtle. The Authoress decided to continue writing real stories.

And they all lived happily ever after. At least until Ed the Authoress wrote the next chapter.

**Sucky? Yes, I know. But I've had this idea FOREVER and finally chose to write it. There's more coming eventually. For now reviews for this story will be answered in my running stories. Right now, August 25, 2005, the reviews for this will be answered in "Face Your Demons" and will continue to be answered there until that story ends. We've got a while until it ends. Happy reviewing!**


	2. Taco Bell

Ed: I know I said this wouldn't be updated until my other story was done, but I've been having ideas for this! So let's update this one. EVERYONE MEET LITTLE LINK!

Little Link: Hallo.

Ed: He'll be doing the Disclaimer for each chapter now. As long as I can remember. n.n;

Little Link: Ed, also known as Uber Spoonz, doesn't own Zelda or Taco Bell.

Ed: If I did, this would be a real Taco Bell commercial! And the Taco Bell dog would be a mini boss in Twilight Princess!

Little Link: Thank goddesses she doesn't own Zelda or Taco Bell…

**Chapter 2: Yo Quiero Taco Bell**

"Gah!" Link shouted as he ducked beneath his Hylian shield. King Dodongo roared a blast of searing flame, which was repelled by the hard iron. Seeing he had failed, the infernal dinosaur curled up into a ball and began rolling around the room. Then there was a bright flash that Link recognized all too well.

"Not again," he muttered as the Authoress ran out from behind a rock into the middle of the puff of smoke given off by the Deku Nut. "God is back!" she squealed, dancing for a few minutes. Then her expression grew solemn. "Do you know why I'm here?" she asked in a deep, theatrical voice. Link shook his head timidly.

"It's _commercial time_!" Ed screeched. She snapped her figers and a pair of Chihuahua ears appeared on King Dodongo's head. Link raised an eyebrow, and the reptilian monstrosity sweatdropped.

"Let's get this party started!" the Authoress said as she pulled her director's chair out of nowhere. "No index cards this time?" Link asked flatly. He kept his bomb bag out, devious thoughts in his head. A wide grin spread on his captor's face. "All you have to do is come up with stupid, made-up words to refer to different Taco Bell dishes. Then a mariachi band will play, then a bell will toll, then King Dodongo says his line," she explained, sipping a diet Sprite. Upon realizing it was diet, she threw the soft drink into the pit of lava.

"Go, go! Go go GO!" she shrieked, her trademark way of saying, "Begin."

A hard-shell taco appeared in Link's hand. "Hot, hot, HOT!" he shouted, throwing the edible to the ground. The Authoress glared at him. "I said _made-up_ words. Start again," she said menacingly. Another taco appeared in place of the old one. Link whipped out his silver gauntlets and cradled the food in the palm of the glove.

"Umm… hotilicious?" he said nervously. Ed sputtered on her Pepsi and started laughing. "What the hell was that?" she asked when she was through. "I know I said stupid, made-up words, but _hotilicious_? I'm not leaving until you get it right! And don't think saying 'three hundred and twenty-six' will get you out of this! Now please continue." She continued to sip on her Pepsi.

"Uh, flatihottotacocrisp?" Link guessed. Ed gestured he continue.

"Shreddimeatysaladtac?"

"Cruntacoabulistic?"

The taco disappeared and was relaced by a plate of nachos. "Go on," the Authoress urged.

Link sighed. "Melticheesisalticrunch?"

"Let's kick it up a notch!" Ed interrupted. "Bring out the mariachi band! You, Link, interact with the infernal Chihuahua. Make you words more… eloquent, got it?" She exchanged her Pepsi for a portable CD player and popped in one of her custom CDs. "Go on now," she said airily, absorbed in her music.

"King Do-I mean, Chihuahua," Link began. "…how much taco would a tacoman taco if a tacoman could taco tacos?"

"I don't know Link," King Dodongo said in a deep, booming voice. "How much taco _would_ a tacoman taco if a tac-"

They were interrupted by Ed singing badly in Japanese. "Ano ne kimi ga moshimo kanashinde ita nara, iisho ni naite ageru kara! Soshite boku ni dekiru nani yori mo taisetsu na, kotoba ga afureteku!" she screeched. "Excuse me!" Link shouted aboe the horrendous melody. Ed lowered her headphones with a smile. "What's up?" she asked sweetly.

"We're trying to please you here," the infernal dinosaur thundered. The Authoress sweatdropped and turned off her CD player, much to her discontent. King Dodongo cleared his throat and continued.

"How much taco _would_ a tacoman taco if a tacoman could taco tacos?"

"Umm… tacody-taco?"

The Authoress erupted in a fit of hysterical laughter. "I just got that!" she panted, recovering. "Tacody-taco! It's like thirty-five but with tacos! Hahaha!" Link raised an eyebrow and cleared his throat. "Are we quite done here?" he asked hopefully. Ed shook her head. "Nope! GO, MARIACHI BAND, GO!"

A mariachi band 'appeared out of' a puff of smoke and started playing a lively Mexican tune. "Now!" Ed said, pointing to the infernal dinosaur as the music halted. "Um, yo quiero Taco Bell," King Dodongo muttered. "Can we have our lives back now?"

Ed nodded and snapped her fingers. The mariachi band disappeared and King Dodongo roared a blast of flame at Link, charring the small boy to a blackened mass. The Authoress shook her head in disappointed. "Whot are ye dooin', laddie?" she asked in a horribly fake Irish accent. "You should be fighting your enemy, not reinacting commercials for things you've never heard of!" She threw down a Deku Nut and ran back behind a rock. "I'm not here!" she called once she was out of view.

Link coughed and resumed his battle. However, his lack of a fairy made him die a miserable flaming death mere minutes into the fight. And so he woke up in his house in Kokiri Forest, new door shut, and the little number on his death meter rose by one. All of the Gorons died of starvation, Link never got the Spiritual Stone of Fire (thus never opening the Door of Time), and the land continued to exist peacefully… minus the Gorons. Which doesn't matter. Because they just looked like lumps of poo anyway. …so it's all good.

And they all lived happily ever after. And then, horror upon horrors, Ed the Authoress decided to write a third chapter. Beware.

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I did my best… But the humor has weakened this chapter. As of today, August 30, 2005, all reviews for this chapter will replied to in "Face Your Demons" and will continue to be replied to there until that story ends. Next chapter: Why Haven't You Called Geico? X3 This story is gonna be lots of fun!


	3. Geico

**Ed: The greatly anticipated third chapter!**

**Little Link: …pyscho.**

**Ed: Yes. Yes, I am.**

**Little Link: In case you can't tell, Uber Spoonz often refers to herself as Ed.**

**Ed: -hits Little Link- Shut up and disclaim already!**

**Little Link: Lousy slave-drivin'… Ed, a.k.a. Uber Spoonz, doesn't own Zelda or Geico.**

**Ed: -cries- What a world! What a world…!**

**Little Link: OO; You betcha…**

**Chapter 3: Why Haven't You Called Geico?**

Link was in Jabu Jabu's Belly throwing Princess Ruto at the walls repeatedly. Whenever he did it, she made this creepy little sound like "Squelch" or something. At first his amusement was just a dry chuckle, but now we find him laughing maniacally as he hurls Ruto into the wall.

"Link (squelch), what are you (squelch) doing? We have (squelch) to find my (squelch) mother's amu (squelch) let!" Ruto squelched. Link's voice could easily be compared to that of a howler monkey as he laughed. He froze mid toss, Ruto suspended in midair, as a puff of smoke appeared in the room.

And there she stood. Ed the Authoress, wearing her Bremen mask.

"Ruto! Long time no see!" she squealed. "Lucky! I brought the skillet!" Ed pulled out a large frying pan and a box of fish fry stuff. Yes, fish fry stuff. You know, the stuff that makes it all crispy and golden… No, not the oven. The stuff in the box! Anyway, yeah.

Ruto screamed and ran off, yelling something about telling the octopus and he'd tell his mommy and his mommy would tell his daddy and his daddy would get a stick and he'd trip on the way over and stain his good pants and run home cursing and tell his mommy to hurry up and wash the damn things and… Well, she just kinda went on and on. Ed sighed and threw the skillet at her head, knocking her out.

"Fast food: fast in the legs but not in the head," Ed said, shaking her head. She turned to Link with a malicious grin. Frightened, the green-clad boy backed up.

"Link, I have good new and bad news," she began. Link's eyes grew wide with fear. "The bad news is that you're going to keep doing this commercial thing until I run out of commercials to parodize."

"NOOooooooOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOOOOOoooo!" Link shrieked, fluctuating the emphasis on his sustained 'o' note. "Wait, there's more!" Ed interrupted. "I can say that there will be at least ten more chapters!"

"NOOooooooOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOOOOOoooo!"

"And each will be horrible than the last!

""NOOooooooOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOOOOOoooo!"

"And if you don't stop screaming, I'll have your voice box removed!"

"NOOooooooOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOOOOOoooo!"

"And you'll never see Ruto again!"

"NOOoooo- Wait, really? Huzzah!"

"And you're not really a Kokiri!"

"Duh."

"And I'm running out of bad news!"

Link sweatdropped. "Then get on with it," he suggested. Ed smiled. "I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to Geico!" she cheered. Link stared blankly. "What's a car?" he asked. Ed glared, threw down a Deku Nut, and an incredibly large car appeared, engine roaring, headlights focused on Link. The boy screamed and ran away as the vehicle began chasing him around Jabu Jabu's Belly.

"Sorry Link! Guess I shouldn't have let that Kokiri kid drive… Her feet hardly reach the gas and she can't see over the dash board!" Ed apologized.

Inside the massive automobile…

"MuahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahcoughHACKcough!" Saria laugh/coughed. "Run, Forest Boy, run!"

Back to the Authoress…

Ed turned to the nonexistant camera. "Why haven't _you_ called Geico?" she asked. There was a loud crash in the distance. "Oh my _Goddesses_, my SPINE!" Link's voice shouted in agony. Saria came running past the Authoress with a steering wheel skewered over her head. "There shall be no lawsuits!" the green-haired girl demanded as she rushed out of the stomach of the large fish.

"So… why haven't you called Geico?" Ed repeated to the still nonexistant camera. Suddenly fellow authoress Numdenu appeared. "BECAUSE THEY FIRED MY BEST FRIEND'S MOM, THAT'S WHY!" she shouted enraged-ly. Ed gave Numdenu a Bunny Hood and marched away, playing her mysteriously-obtained flute.

Link was admitted to Hyrule's first hospital. Ruto became Hyrule's first relationship consultant. Saria established Hyrule's first illegal race track. Jabu Jabu's Belly became Hyrule's first crime scene. And they all lived happily ever after… Except Link, who had suffered incredible trauma and was liable to never blink by himself again.

Then Ed the Authoress saw a Pepto Bismal commercial…

**Me: Muahahahahahaha! I'm havin' FUN with this!**

**Little Link: Speak for yourself…**

**Me: I am!**

**Little Link: Review please… Ed needs the lyrics to the Pepto Bismal song…**

**Me: Yes I do! I would be most obliged if you'd give me those lyrics in your review!**


	4. Pepto Bismal

**Ed: Next chapter!**

**Little Link: By the time she decided to write it, she no longer wanted to do Pepto Bismal.**

**Ed: But since I promised it, I will.**

**Little Link: Ed (Uber Spoonz) doesn't own Zelda or Pepto Bismal.**

**Ed: If I did, diarrhea would be a physical ailment in every Zelda game!**

**Little Link: O.o**

**Chapter 4: Yay! Pepto Bismal!**

Link stood in the Temple of Time, three Spiritual Stones in hand, and looked at the altar. He took out his ocarina to play the song, but a flash behind him distracted the child. He turned around quickly and his eyes grew wide with fear.

Ed the Authoress ran into the smoke from the entrance of the Temple of Time and spread her arms above her head. "HALLO!" she shouted as she slung an arm around Link's shoulder. "Guess what you get to do this time."

"Go home?"

"Nope."

"Kill you?"

"Nope."

"Kill… Ruto?"

"Ah, I wish it was so…"

Ruto the fish stick, er… girl. Fish girl. Ruto the fish girl princess thingummy ran into the chamber and latched onto Link's arm. "HIIIIIIIIII-Y!" she shrieked. Link tried to shake her off, but failed miserably. "I'll help you if you act for me," Ed bribed. The green-clad protagonist glared from one foe to the other, but eventually agreed with the demented Authoress.

Ed cupped her hands around her mouth. "Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutooooooo!" she called. The fish princess turned her bloated head in response.

"Jabu Jabu's watching chick flicks in his pajamas down at Zora Fountain!"

Ruto squealed with joy and flew to the fountain. Yes, flew. Not a figure of speech. Guess I forgot to mention that Kaepora Gaebora was in the room. He took her to Zora Fountain, thus the flying verb. Ahem, shall we continue?

"So now what do I have to do?" Link said unenthusiastically. "First you have to sound happy!" Ed danced. Her face could be compared to the following: X3

"Like, oh my god! What do I have to, like, do now?" Link repeated with a valley girl accent. Ed cocked an eyebrow and cowered in a corner, leaving the story's 'hero' to chuckle to himself. Ed threw a Deku Nut in front of Link and a piece of chocolate cake scurried out of her pocket and into the center of the smoke. Link meeped at this, but held his ground.

When the foggishness settled, the Authoress gestured Link eat the cake. This he did timidly. Ed began tossing Deku Nuts around wildly, and everywhere the flash appeared, a piece of crawling chocolate cake 'appeared' with it.

Ed blew a silver whistle and a stampede could be heard approaching. Link stared at the gaping door curiously. Through the shadow came Zelda, Saria, Rauru, Impa, and Darunia. Each of them saw the footed cake scampering about the room and dove on a piece, gobbling it down ravenously.

After about five minutes, they each seemed to have something wrong with them.

"I feel sick…" Zelda complained.

"My esophagus is burning!" Saria announced.

"There's this undigested lump of food settled in my gut," Rauru gurgled.

"I have a stomach ache," Impa muttered.

"I… BATHROOM!" Darunia shouted, running in circles.

Link watched all this transpire with a terrified expression, a mysteriously-obtained fork poised over a sleeping piece of chocolate cake. Ed took a small bottle of pink liquid out of her pocket and swirled it around, whistling innocently. Link glared at her until she felt so uncomfortable, she had to tell him of her plot.

"Okay, this is where we all dance!" the Authoress proclaimed. Zelda bent over, making to throw up. Saria burped. Rauru held his stomach. Impa proceeded similarly, and Darunia tried to keep his crap in his intestines.

"Nausea, heart burn, indigestion! Upset stomach, diarrhea! YAY, Pepto Bismal!" Ed sang, then indicated the others follow along. Which they did. Soon the whole Temple of Time rang with the lyrics, and people watched.

As they watched, their facces could be compared to the following: O.o

When the ailing dancers were finally administered the pink medicine by Ed, they were greatly relieved. So relieved were they that Darunia claimed his new favorite color to be pink. And the others laughed. Then he said he was serious. And they stared. Then there was an awkward silence…

I could list all the firsts that occurred that day, but why bother? You'll figure it out eventually. Anyway, they all lived relatively happily ever after.

Until Ed the Authoress got a great suggestion for the next parody.

**Me: That one was kinda crappy… It was a whole lot less funny, in my opinion. As the last sentence indicates, I don't know what to do next. I'm thinking something like PETsMART, but I don't know. I'M OPEN TO SUGGESTIONS!**

**Little Link: MAKE HER STOP! Please!**

**Me: Not a chance!**

**Little Link: ;;**

**Me: So, you know the drill. Review and suggest, please!**

**Little Link: And whoever comes up with the cleverest list of firsts for this chapter gets… something.**

**Me: Yup! So keep those reviews a-comin'!**


	5. Side Effects Include

**Ed: Oh my gawd! Can you believe it? An UPDATE! Thank Justin Time for this update, for I felt I needed to explain the contradictions that were mentioned. I did indeed notice these contradictions myself a couple weeks ago and set myself to the task of coming up with entertaining explanations! Expect chaos…**

**Little Link: NO! Not the chaos! NOOOOOO!**

**Ed: Yesh, the chaos! Muahahahahahaha!**

**Little Link: ;-; Uber Spoonz, also known as Ed, doesn't own the Legend of Zelda or Lunesta or any of the following side-effects.**

**Ed: I do SO own the side-effects! They're side-effect-ilicious!**

**Little Link: …**

_**The review replies for this story are scattered about. Check either "Face Your Demons" or "The Final Adventure" if you want to see how you were replied to. Yes, I know we techincally aren't 'allowed' to reply to reviews, but how else are we supposed to let our readers know how much we love them?**_

**Chapter 5: Side Effects of Lunesta Include…**

So Link was standing there with the three Spiritual Stones. He had just recovered from Ed's last, erm, 'visit' when yet another puff of smoke indicated that… she was baaaaaaaaack.

"HOW DID YOU GET THOSE!" Ed demanded as she ripped the Spiritual Stone's from Link's hand. The young soon-to-be hero stared in shock. "They… were in my pocket when I got it back from the cleaners?" he offered dumbly. Ed glared.

"Firstly, you lost to King Dodonga in the second preceding dungeon, secondly-"

"You just called him King Dodonga!" Link interrupted, followed by a terrible laughing fit. Ed threw the 3D puzzle egg she stole from her English class at his head. "_Silence_!" she commanded. Dramatic lighting flashed, umm… dramatically in the background. Link covered his head with his arms like they make you do during a tornado drill.

"As I was saying, you lost to King _Dodongo_ and never got the Spiritual Stone of Fire, you went to the hospital before you even laid eyes upon Barinade and the Zora's Sappire, and did you even go inside the Great Deku Tree at all!" Ed rambled. Link had resorted to playing his Gameboy Advance halfway through the lecture. This caught the attention of a certain brunette Authoress.

"Watcha playin'?" Ed asked as she crouched behind Link, peering over his shoulder. "Sword of Mana," the boy answered simply. There was silence, save for the music coming from the tiny speakers of the game device.

Six hundred and ninety-two hours, fifty-nine minutes, and twenty-seven seconds later…

"THAT'S _MY_ GAMEBOY!" Ed declared as she stole the handheld system from Link's still-moving fingers. The boy looked at his… uhhhhh… well, he looked at Ed with puppy eyes and whimpered. This didn't effect the Authoress in the least. "Are you having trouble sleeping…?" she inquired somewhat worryingly. Link's eyes grew wide and he huddled behind the Altar of Time.

"Then you need… LUNESTA!" Ed shrieked. She took out a little cardboard box containing some pills. "Lunesta is for people who can't sleep well! Read the back of this box, Link!"

The green-clad boy to box cautiously and began to read the text aloud. "'Side-effects of Lunesta include dry throat, dizziness, bad taste, internal bleeding, hair loss, memory loss, long finger nails, short hair, muscle aches, underarm wetness, increased shoe size, decreased sweater six, poor gas mileage, nearsightedness, farsightedness, astigmatisms, increased chance of pregnacy, collapsed lungs, athletes' foot, boils, nasal blisters, allergies to cheese, obsessions with Celtic knots, increased energy, decreased metabolism, a failing grade on your final exam, time travel, insanity, sanity, nose bleeds, gangrene, ogres knocking on your door at midnight to ask for a chocolate fix, sweatiness, maldeveloped toes, decreased popularity, family death, user death, turning into a water balloon, heart palpiltations, heart failure, heat stroke, two weeks to live, converting from having metabolism to resorting to photosynthesis, love of small plants, fires, flood, the Apocalypse, bad fanfictions, writers' block, lack of peanut butter, poor sound quality, switching to an AOL service, crash of an AOL service, caniptions, lessened hard drive space, a Swedish accent, pummelings by means of pigeons, inexplicable cannibalism, Satanism, insomnia, schizophrenia, DEATH, and fear of butterflies. If you get a rash on your tuchus, please cease your use of Lunesta and consult a marine biologist.'"

"Does it really say all that?" Ed asked in horror. Link nodded slowly. He then threw the box to the ground, threw a bomb at it, hit it with the Megaton Hammer (which, strangely, he is still too young to wield), stabbed it with a Light Arrow, and sliced it with a sword. Ed pitched in by throwing Deku Nut after Deku Nut at it.

"EVIL!" they shouted in unison. "I think I'll just stay an insomniac…" Link muttered. The Authoress then recalled something.

"It's a medicine for insomnia… but one of the side-effects was insomnia…" she recollected. Then Hyrule had it's first ever lawsuit. And it wasn't against Saria. So the green-haired speed demon of the forest cheered. And she held a party. And she got drunk. And she ran over Mido in a truck. And there was a lawsuit against her. And she won. 'Cause no one likes Mido. X3

**Ed: Lovely!**

**Little Link: No! NooooOOOOooooOOOOooo!**

**Ed: O.o What's YOUR problem?**

**Little Link: I took some Lunesta last night…**

**Ed: n.n You're screwed.**

**Little Link: ;-;**

**Ed: Next chapter'll probably be Burger King! YAY! Hey, sorry that I didn't really use anyone's idea… Like the first chapter, I've had this idea a long, long, time! The list of side-effects… ah, how glorious!**

**Little Link: Hope you all enjoyed the long-awaited update!**

**Ed: How about a review? Pwease?**

**Little Link: And don't forget about Ed's art contest! The deadline is in less than week! There are details in her profile if you need 'em.**


End file.
